


Help

by guineagirl5, iansthighs



Category: Smosh, Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Self Harm, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineagirl5/pseuds/guineagirl5, https://archiveofourown.org/users/iansthighs/pseuds/iansthighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian's been hiding his scars for years, and hiding his cutting for longer. Everything seems helpless to him as he stands in front of the mirror with scissors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help

**Author's Note:**

> compiled private rp w/ guineagirl5 from our tumblr's! (hecox-and-padilla and rp-fun-time) major trigger warning!!

Ian pulled a heavy sweater on quickly over himself as he heard Anthony finally arriving home. His eyes closed, a small breath escaping him as he hurried to hide his scissors under a pile of towels before stumbling over to bed. He lied down, eyes closing tightly as he waited for Anthony to show up.

Anthony dropped his coat and shoes by the door, sighing as he was finally done with errands. He went to his and Ian's room, smiling slightly as he crawled in next to his boyfriend. "Hey..." He whispered, wrapping an arm around Ian's waist.

Ian rested back against Anthony, mumbling a small hello before he let out a breath and curled up under the covers.

Anthony's hand lazily searched for Ian's, finally finding it shrouded in his sweater sleeve. He twined their fingers together after pulling Ian's hand from under the fabric.

Ian pulled his arm back into the sweater sleeve, breathing slightly faster as he curled up tighter under the heavy blankets. His eyes closed tightly, hiding himself under the blanket.

Anthony was too tired to notice, gripping Ian's hand lightly in his own. His head nestled into Ian's neck, and pushed his body under the warm blankets.

Ian slowly feel into an uneasy sleep in Anthony's arms, his breathing soft as he ignored the pain in his wrist.

Anthony awoke a little later, smiling tiredly as he nuzzled and kissed Ian's neck, coaxing him awake slowly. When Ian opened his eyes, Anthony leaned down to kiss Ian's cheek. "I never got to talk to you earlier..."

Ian blinked slowly, a yawn escaping his lips as he rested back on the bed. He rolled over, head resting on Anthony's chest as he tried to wake himself up.

Anthony rubbed Ian's back gently, his legs tangling with the others. "Are you feeling okay?" He asked softly, looking down at Ian's glazed eyes.

Ian nodded slightly, his eyes slowly closing again as he yawned. "I-I'm okay..." He mumbled, gripping onto Anthony's shirt loosely as he rested back on the bed.

Anthony lazily kissed Ian's forehead, trying to wake up more as well. "I'm hungry..." He muttered, sitting up slightly.

Ian tugged his sweater sleeves slightly, a yawn escaping his lips as he rested against the bed and slowly closed his eyes. "Wanna sleep..." He mumbled.

"Wanna eat..." Anthony mumbled in the same tone. "Did you even have lunch today?"

Ian shook his head slightly as he snuggled deeper under the covers, tugging the blanket tighter around him.

"Then come on, your body needs food, babe..." Anthony muttered, pulling back the blankets slightly, sighing when Ian pulled them back up. "Fine, I'll bring food to you, then."

Ian shook his head slightly, breathing slowly. "Not hungry..." He mumbled, pulling the blanket over himself.

Anthony furrowed his brow as Ian practically cocooned under the blankets. "Alright... you better eat later, though." He muttered, kissing Ian softly before heading to the kitchen.

~a week later~

Ian stood silently in front of the mirror, looking himself up and down as he held his now blood stained scissors in his hand. Blinking slowly, Ian let out a shaky breath as he started picking out every flaw on his body, everything he wished he could change. The bit of fat on his stomach, his pale skin, a few flaws on said skin...god, Anthony deserved better then this. Raising the blade to his wrists, Ian let out a shaky breath and rested against the counter.

Anthony was going out to do his weekly errands. He went back inside quietly, expecting Ian to still be sleeping like when he left. He grabbed the envelope he had forgotten, then paused. He heard ragged breaths coming from down the hall. He immediately went to investigate, and peeked in the bathroom door, his eyes widening.

Ian looked down at the sink, his eyes tightly closed as the first cut appeared on his skin. He winced slightly as a small amount of red blood flowed from the cut, his body shaking slightly as he moved the scissors upwards.

Anthony moved forward slowly, not wanting to make Ian freak out when he had scissors in his hand. As Ian raised the blade from his skin, Anthony gripped Ian's wrist to stop his movements. In Ian's moment of shock, Anthony gently slipped the scissors from Ian's grip.

Ian stumbled back as he felt Anthony's hand on his wrist, eyes filling with tears as he tugged himself away. "I-I'm sorry..." He choked out as he felt Anthony's eyes on him. After years of hiding this from Anthony, him forgetting to close the fucking bathroom door gave him away.

Anthony set the scissors on the counter, then stepped over to Ian. He wrapped his arms gently around him, swaying back and forth. "It's okay..." He whispered, over and over.

Ian cried against Anthony, holding onto his wrist as Anthony tried to calm him down. He hiccuped, eyes wide and breathing fast as he tried not to pull away from 

Anthony sat Ian down gently, immediately getting to work. He grabbed some antiseptic and a cloth, then sat in front of his boyfriend. "It's gonna sting, okay?" He mumbled, keeping a calm facade.

Ian shook, nodding slightly as he tried to hold his arm still. Eyes closing, he leaned over and grabbed Anthony's shirt with his spare hand. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered again.

Anthony gently pressed the now damp cloth over the cut, holding it in place when Ian winced away. He pulled the cloth off, blew air over the cut to sooth it, then repeated the process.

Ian whimpered as the cloth pressed to his cut. He flinched away, eyes tightly closing as he gripped onto Anthony's shirt tighter.

Anthony shook his head slightly with lack of knowing what to do. He looked at the cut, judging how deep it went. "Ian... I think it's too deep to leave it..." He muttered.

Ian let out a shaky breath, eyes closing as he craddled his arm to his chest. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered, wiping his face.

"Don't worry about that right now, just... let's get you to the hospital, okay?" Anthony murmured, cupping the side of Ian's neck gently. "I think it needs stitches."

Ian flinched back, hand over his cut as Anthony gently pulled him to his feet. "I'm sorry..." He whispered continuiously as Anthony held him tightly.

Anthony gave Ian the cloth to hold over his wound, then led him out to his car. "I know, I forgive you, it's okay..." He murmured, helping Ian into the car.

Ian pressed his hand over the cut, crying silently as he looked out the window while shaking in his seat. His eyes closed tightly as Anthony started the car, resiting the urge to bolt from the car.

Anthony silently and swiftly drove to the nearest hospital, parking the car and helping Ian out. His arm wrapped around Ian's waist. "I promise, everything will be okay." He whispered.

Ian nodded slightly, his eyes closed as Anthony led him quietly into the hospital. He gripped onto his arm, breathing shaky.

Anthony walked to the front desk calmly, saying Ian had a accident in the kitchen. They were asked to wait while higher priority patients were being tended to. Anthony held Ian close as they sat together.

Ian rested his head on Anthony's shoulder, breathing shaky as he closed his eyes. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered again.

"I know... I know," Anthony muttered. After a few minutes, they were called back. He gave the doctor their information quickly, then the procedure started. Anthony held Ian's other hand tightly while the doctor numbed the area.

Ian squeezed Anthony's hand tightly, eyes closing as he turned his head and rested against Anthony's shoulder again. He squeezed tightly, other arm trying to stay relaxed as the doctor slowly started stiching the cut.

Anthony watched the doctor carefully bring Ian's skin back together. "You're doing good..." He whispered.

Ian let out a shaky breath, nodding as he held onto Anthony's hand tightly. A few painfully slow minutes later and Ian was finally allowed to move his arm again, looking down at the stitched cut.

Anthony smiled politely at the doctor as he put a thick bandage over the stitches. After quick care tips, they were allowed to leave. Anthony brought Ian slowly back out to the car. "Let's go home," He murmured.

Ian nodded slowly, his breathing slowly evening out as he held onto Anthony's hand tightly and followed him back to the car. "Wanna sleep..." He whispered.

Anthony sighed as he opened Ian's door, making sure he was safely inside before getting in the drivers side. "Can we talk before you do that?" He asked softly, starting the quiet drive home.

Ian said nothing, resting his head on his knees as his eyes closed tightly. "I-I don't wanna talk..." He mumbled, eyes closing tightly.

"We're gonna have to." He muttered. "If not tonight, it has to be tomorrow." Anthony said soft but firm.

Ian slowly nodded slightly, eyes closing tighter as he pulled his knees to his chest. "O-okay..." He whispered.

They pulled back up to the house minutes later, Anthony going immediately to get Ian quietly into the house. "Go to bed, I'll meet you in there." He muttered, kissing Ian's head.

Ian stumbled down the hallway, breathing uneven as managed to climb into bed silently. Eyes tightly closed, Ian curled up and tried to fall asleep before Anthony could make it.

Anthony went into the bathroom, rinsing the sink of any blood he saw. He grabbed the scissors, the ones he already despised after only meeting them that day, and went out to the big trashbin outside. He dropped them carelessly inside, before going in and to bed.

Ian curled up against Anthony on the bed as he hugged himself tightly. Sleeping peacefully, Ian yawned quietly as he slept.

Anthony stayed awake most of the night. His mind was running through what happened, what made Ian do it, why he just didn't talk to him about it. Finally, at 3 in the morning, he fell asleep.

Ian woke up late into the morning, eyes slowly blinking open as he felt himself being hugged close to Anthony's chest, almost hard for him to breath. He squirmed away slightly, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he glanced at the clock. 11:30.

Anthony hugged Ian to his chest tightly, not wanting to let go of his source of heat. As Ian pushed away, he reluctantly opened his eyes, trying not to think about the day before.

Ian blinked slowly, his hand resting on his arm as he slumped back against Anthony on the bed. "M-morning..." He muttered.

"Morning," Anthony whispered, grabbing Ian's hand with his own. "How are you feeling?" He asked quietly.

"Sore..." Ian whispered, resting his head on Anthony's shoulder quietly.

Anthony nodded silently. "...Can we talk about it?" He asked slowly. He wanted to know, buthe didn't want to push Ian either.

Ian looked down at his legs, eyes closed as he hugged himself tightly. "I-I don't know what to say..." He mumbled.

"How about we start with... what made you feel like you had to do it?" He mumbled, resting his head on top of Ian's gently.

Ian swallowed, eyes closing tightly as he gripped onto Anthony's shirt. "P-promise you won't leave me?" He whispered.

Anthony tilted Ian's head up quietly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I promise." He muttered, running his thumb over Ian's cheek.

Ian hide his face in Anthony's neck again, breathing shaky. "Y-you deserve better then me..." He whispered. "You deserve perfection, something as perfect as you, a-and I'm not. I'm not perfect, I'm not even close, a-and I'm mad and I'm upset and I don't know what t-to do..."

Anthony laid silently for a moment just processing Ian's words. He turned on his side to look Ian in the eyes. "I'm not perfect, Ian." He said simply. "I'm not... if you ask me, you're the one that's perfect." He murmured. "Please believe me when I say you're amazing and wonderful, and very good looking, and I just... I love you, and I've told you that so many times before, but I mean it."

Ian said nothing as he pressed his face into Anthony's neck and gripped onto his boyfriend. "I-I don't see perfection in me at all..." He whispered.

"We rarely see perfection in ourselves." He mumbled. "Please don't feel like you have to do this... You're perfect to me, and any flaws you have, if any at all, only strengthen your perfection. It makes you unique." He whispered, kissing Ian's head. "I love you."

"I-I love you too..." Ian whispered, clinging onto Anthony as if afraid he would leave. "I-I love you so much..."  

Anthony hugged Ian close, quietly reassuring him he was staying. "So this is gonna stop, right? No matter how much you've done it and find comfort somehow... you'll come talk to me instead?"

"I-I'll try..." Ian mumbled finally, eyes slowly closing as he was held by Anthony tighly.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Anthony asked after a quiet moment, playing with Ian's fingers gently.

Ian nodded slightly, breathing slowly as he fiddled slightly with Anthony's shirt.

"I was hoping... that one day I would be able to marry you." Anthony whispered, like he was telling his deepest secret. "Would you be okay with that?"

Ian's face flushed red, eyes blinking open widely as he looked up at Anthony. Slowly, he nodded his head slightly and pressed himself closer. "B-better than okay..." He mumbled, a slowly, a smile appeared on his lips.

Anthony grinned, pulling Ian in for a soft kiss. "I can live with 'Better than okay'..." He mumbled.

Ian smiled into the kiss, slowly kissing back as he pressed himself tight to Anthony's chest. "I love you..." He murmured.

"I love you too, don't forget that..." He mumbled. Anthony rubbed Ian's back gently, relaxing as he had finally talked to Ian about it.  
  
Ian rested against Anthony as he closed his eyes, breathing soft as he relaxed. Maybe he wasn't perfect. No one was, and with Anthony he felt as perfect as he could be.

~end~


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